Watching the Super Bowl last night made me realize a few things. First off, it’s not nearly as fun when you team’s not in it. Secondly, I’m disappointed in myself for initially rooting for the Steelers. As soon as Tom Brady was booed by the Steeler fans during the coin toss my allegiance swayed back towards the Seahawk side. By the way Tom, I had $5.00 on heads so you owe me a five spot.
Another thing that it made me realize is how much I hate those ridiculous “Terrible Towels”. Seriously, I can’t think of anything less terrible then a towel. This led me to make a top five list of things I hate that’s done by certain teams/fans at sporting events. Enjoy.
The Wave – I hate being at Fenway when the wave is started during a close game. I remain glued to my seat for this. The wave should only be reserved for a blowout by the home team, unless your team’s in California because you probably really don’t care about baseball anyway. The instigator of the wave is always some drunk high school kid who was drinking a copious amount of Sambuka before the game. When I’m trying to watch a game I don’t need you screaming “1, 2, 3 GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” while running around like an idiot in the bleachers. Sit down and watch the game. At times like this a paintball gun couldn’t be any more appropriate.
The Tomahawk Chop – Not only is this borderline racist, it’s also about as annoying as being trapped in a room with Ashlie Simpson. The chop needs to go.
5. The Jumbotron at the Garden – Don’t get me wrong, the whole concept of the jumbotron is great. There’s nothing better then a large TV that will show you replays or stats while at a game. That’s money. What isn’t money is when a crowd needs the ‘Tron to get itself pumped up for certain key segments to the game. I cringe in my seat at Celtics games when the ‘Tron is urging fans to reach a “Garden Level” of noise. Red Auerbach must want commit the ceremonial samurai suicide of junshi when he sees this.
4. The Organist at Yankee Stadium – I can respect the tradition of this, however I’m one who believes that the organ should be left on the ice rink. When the organist is playing the “Let’s Go Yankees” song on the organ I’d rather be stuck in a room listening to the new Kevin Ferdiline CD. The worst organ moment ever was when the organist knew that the “Let’s Go Yankees” song was going to be re-mixed to “Who’s Your Daddy” chants. Unforgivable. The “DAAAAAOOOOOOHHHHH” they play over the speaker system must be mentioned too. The only thing that makes this worse is that there are other teams in MLB who use this now (also from California) and that’s just unoriginal and wretched.
3. Celebrity Fans – I hate celebrity fans. The two who I hate the most are Spike Lee & Jack Nicholson. I give Spike credit for at least being a true Knicks fans, however you’re not as important as the game at hand Spike, so stop acting like it. Spike’s also is the fan of whatever NY baseball team’s doing better at the times, which has been the Yankees. He was interviewed on SportsCenter right before Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS (Still questioning why the all knowing baseball man that is Spike Lee was interviewed here…) and he said something to the effect of “Boston fans are going to be crying in their beers tonight”. Another prime moment to own a paintball gun. Lets also talk about LA Laker Super fan Jack Nicholson. First off, LA and California fans just don’t get it. Sporting events should not be something to be seen at, they should be something you go to to enjoy. Jack’s also not only a Laker fan, but also apparently a Yankee fan. How does that even happen? Does he root for the Germans during ‘Saving Private Ryan’? Also Jack you’re inside an arena, take those sunglasses off. Only Bono has indoor sunglasses privileges.
2. The Terrible Towel – Like stated earlier, there just isn’t anything terrible about a towel. I like to fantasize about Willie McGuinist ordering a surplus of these towels, cutting them up into little pieces and using them as toilet paper during the off season. There’s nothing worse then a gimmick to make your fans root for their team which leads me to the worst offenders of all.
1. Thunder Sticks / Rally Monkey – Now it’s no surprise to me that the Thunder Sticks originated in California. The sound of those hell balloons is only unnerving to the person who’s sitting next to you. They also use these a lot in Japan, but the Japanese get a free pass on this because of Play Station and their game shows. California gets no pass. Thunder Sticks should be banned from all professional sports. They’re infiltrating all types of different arenas and parks and (surprise, surprise) are now even at the Garden. The day the Red Sox start giving these away is the day I stop watching baseball. The other offense marked the Angels way is the rally monkey. Are you serious? This is just so unacceptable I can’t write about it. A rally monkey…